MORALIST • How Do You Teach Fasting?

6/2/2013

Some people really get fasting. I don't think I'm one of them. I do it, just not to the depth that the principle can go. I'm working in the right direction though and I'm happy with that.

Teaching kids about fasting is even harder than teaching yourself. We usually start to prep our kids at 7 and give them the option to fast. They start with us but have difficulty keeping at it all day but the pressure is off so they don't feel guilty when they don't make it. They're practicing. Then by 8 they've gotten a feel for fasting and know it's time to go all day.

One of my daughters was complaining of headaches every fast Sunday until I reminded her to hydrate herself on Saturday in preparation for fasting. Some of the others I've told to go say a prayer when they get especially hungry.

So, what do you say to kids to help them with fasting? What tips work for you? We like ideas. Please share.

4 Comments

Stephanie

6/3/2013 02:48:14 am

Children should learn about why we fast and how we fast, but I would not introduce trying it until they are baptized. Even then, eight years old is too young to go an entire day with no food or water. An adult can barely endure that. I know our purpose is to put off the physical and focus on the spiritual, but I don't believe The Lord expects or requires that of little children. Our goal as parents should be to teach them about it, show a good example of it, include them in the prayer aspect of it, and give them the opportunity to fast with us when they can as their age permits. Please don't be offended by my direct speech, but if your 8 year old is getting headaches all day, she should not be fasting. She is a child and your intention is good, but you are missing the mark. The most important thing to do is teaching the principle and modeling it while including the kids. They'll get it. And when the time comes for them to use fasting in their own lives, they'll know what to do and how to do it even if they're 20 and they've never gone a full day before.

LDS NEST - Shannon link

6/3/2013 07:24:13 pm

Stephanie so glad you took the time to read and comment, especially since you didn't agree with the post's ideas. I think it's good to hear what people think and talk about things.

Just so you know my post isn't theory on my part. I have 8 kids and that's the fasting process we've gone through with I think most of them. Our experience with our children is that 8 year olds can fast, without coercion. We didn't withhold food and when they asked if they could eat we asked them what they thought and let them decide.

I can tell you're concerned about having an 8 year old with headaches all day. I'd be concerned too! But actually, I don't recall any of my 8 year olds complaining of headaches. It was my 14 year old that was having the headaches. Day before fasting hydration has worked wonders with her as I'm sure it would if she were 8.

For us, 8 is a great transition time for their spiritual development. After we teach (and let them practice) the principle of fasting and discuss baptismal covenants we give them the challenge and opportunity to actually do it. That way they gain blessings and personal conviction from obedience.

Personally, I don't know if the Lord has said He does or doesn't expect children as a whole to fast. He has said for parents to teach their children to walk uprightly before the Lord. I think that leaves a lot of room for interpretation and revelation. So, for me and mine, we felt totally comfortable with having an expectation to start fasting at 8 as well as great success with it. But, for you and yours, you obviously feel different. And that's okay too. We're teaching the same principles but with different styles. And in all likelihood both of our families will understand it just fine.

Stephanie this would have been a very lonely conversation without you. I hope you continue to comment in the future too.

Stephanie

6/4/2013 01:17:31 am

I am so glad you did not take offense to my comments. After re-reading, I realize that tone is hard to read and parts of my post sound really judge-y. Not my intention at all. Individual families have to do what works best for them. The most important thing is that we DO teach them, like you said.

Just for the information of whomever might read this, here is a quote from Gen Conf Oct 2004 Elder Carl Pratt of the Seventy - "We should not expect our young children to fast for the recommended two meals. But let us teach them the principles of fasting. If fasting is discussed and planned in a family setting, the small children will be aware that their parents and older siblings are fasting, and they will understand the purpose of the fast. They should participate in the family prayers to begin and end the fast. This way, when they reach the proper age, they will be eager to fast with the rest of the family. In our family, we have done this by encouraging our children between 8 and 12 years of age to fast for one meal; then as they have turned 12 and received the Aaronic Priesthood or entered Young Women, we have encouraged them to fast for to complete meals."

I have found this counsel to be very helpful in teaching my kiddos. It's good for us to support each other I the cause. I apologize if my post was not supportive.

LDS NEST - Shannon link

6/5/2013 06:19:41 pm

Stephanie thanks for clarifications about your post. It's tricky having conversations online but it does open up a lot of ideas and people that otherwise might not cross paths.

Good info you shared from Carl Pratt. I went and read his talk and also looked up a partial passage he used from Joseph F. Smith and thought it helpful too. Here is that part -

"… The Lord has instituted the fast on a reasonable and intelligent basis, and none of his works are vain or unwise. His law is perfect in this as in other things. Hence, those who can, are required to comply thereto; it is a duty from which they cannot escape; but let it be remembered that the observance of the Fast Day by abstaining twenty-four hours from food and drink is not an absolute rule, it is no iron-clad law to us, but it is left with the people as a matter of conscience, to exercise wisdom and discretion. Many are subject to weakness, others are delicate in health, and others have nursing babies; of such it should not be required to fast. Neither should parents compel their little children to fast. I have known children to cry for something to eat on fast day. In such cases, going without food will do them no good. Instead, they dread the day to come, and in place of hailing it, dislike it; while the compulsion engenders a spirit of rebellion in them, rather than a love for the Lord and their fellows. Better teach them the principle, and let them observe it when they are old enough to choose intelligently, than to so compel them.” (Joseph F. Smith, Gospel Doctrine, 5th ed. [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1939], pp. 243, 244.)"

A couple of things about this. First, in days past parents used to force their children to fast (as well as other principles) and it didn't turn out well as President Smith mentioned. The principle was lost in the compelled process. That leads to compliance not conviction. Most parents don't ultimately want that but can't figure out other ways to teach it. That's one reason why I think it's good to share ideas.

Second, this part of Pres. Smith's quote is key in practicing any principle, though here it's about fasting.

"...abstaining twenty-four hours from food and drink is not an absolute rule, it is no iron-clad law to us, but it is left with the people as a matter of conscience, to exercise wisdom and discretion..."

Also Elder Carl Pratt said in that talk, "Although there is no Church standard for fasting, except that it should be for 24 hours and two meals..."

Both Smith and Pratt suggest that there's no set "Church standard" or rules for fasting, with Pratt's exception of 24 hours/2 meals, in which Smith says otherwise, "...is not an absolute rule...".

I think that's the point the Brethren have made and are making. They don't want to make a whole lot of rules, standards, and absolutes but want people to use wisdom, their conscience, and agency in how they follow the doctrine. When we get bogged down with telling each other what we "should" and "shouldn't" do, we look past the mark. Here's a quote from Dallin H. Oaks that's helpful on that point -

"In many areas we are guided only by doctrines and principles rather than rules. The Prophet Joseph Smith taught, “I teach them correct principles, and they govern themselves.” We are responsible to the Lord for how we respond in such situations. Those who are committed to following rules without reference to doctrine and principle are particularly susceptible to looking beyond the mark."

I am reminded of what going beyond the mark looks like in the example of not drinking coke in connection with the Word of Wisdom. That started back in 1922 when Pres Grant counseled saints to leave coke alone as a personal favor. From there is was preached over the pulpit as Word of Wisdom doctrine (I remember hearing it). Soon "the rule" set in and some members weren't getting temple recommends because they drank coke. It had been a "rule" ingrained in our culture for generations until 1972 when a Church statement that there was no official position on coke sodas. But as a people many still held onto it and in 2012 an official statement came out again talking about caffein and no official policy. It's thought provoking how a suggestion became a "should not" and then turned into a "rule" that had nothing to do with the principle.

It's interesting to see how our doctrine plays out. With differing lives, circumstances, people and personalities we may not come to the same conclusions on how to live the doctrine. But, I am very comfortable with you practicing how you see fit and me doing the same. And even someone else coming up with a different way than us.

So, in the end I congratulate us for thinking on the doctrine. And for following the charge to, "...let us reason together, that ye may understand; Let us reason even as a man reasoneth one with another face to face." Or comment to comment in our case. Stephanie, I've enjoyed reasoning on this topic

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MORALIST • How Do You Teach Fasting?

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