Have you ever sat to sing songs with your (grand)kids and only remember a handful of those songs. I know just about all the Primary songs (Primary Chorister, favorite calling in the world!) but I still couldn't manage more than a few in the moment. Being a problem solver (ie: creative) I came up with this idea and designed it. A Primary Song Sing • Along Quilt. It's a quilt I can pull out that has over 50 songs listed on it. There'll never be a lull again. I can't make you all quilts but I can sell the fabric panel so you can make your own. 

So that's what I've put in our Etsy Shop - Primary Song Sing•Along Fabric Panel.

Singing the songs are so important for teaching the gospel. I think this is what I'm going to be giving to each of my grandkids when they're born. But I could see it being used as a babysitter blanket, wall hanging, singing time bean bags (cut down smaller), or pillowcase. 

What would you make out of the Primary Song Sing • Along Quilt Fabric Panel?

The Family • A Proclamation to the World turns 20 this year. All grown up. 

Its birthday makes me think of when it was announced and the subsequent comments from some people. At the time they said it was so "vanilla". Meaning that it was an ordinary. A common knowledge flavored document. 

Well, prophets being what they are weren't exactly intending it for the generation it was given to. Of course it was meant to guide the 1995 generation but it was given then, when it was so "vanilla", so it would have time to sink in before today's full frontal assault on its principles began. It gave us time as a people to prepare our minds and hearts to really understand God's mind.

It also makes me evaluate how I've passed on those principles to my kids. They're the ones that are really going to have to get out there and articulate the Proclamation's point of view. We've tackled some of the tough subjects - gender, same sex attraction and marriage, gender roles - but we'll continue to talk. 

This little download is a Family Proc summary at your finger tips. Puts it in kind of a fun format. Usually I make downloads for My Ring Thing but this one was a special request for a particular purpose and needed to fit inside the scriptures (5" x 7"). Maybe you can use it in yours. Go to our download page here for your gift copy.

Today I read on a friend's Facebook page a poem her daughter wrote. Apparently a family member passed away and writing was a way to express her grief and love. It was moving. 

I thought of a similar time when my grandmother passed away. I wrote a poem too. I think of her often and since today is her birthday I thought I'd share it. (I know I just shared a poem. It's not that I had "share poems" on my blog calendar, nor do I feel like a gifted poem writer, but it's just what seems to have come up.) 

After she was gone I remember sorting my key ring and finding her house key. It was no longer needed but I didn't want to get rid of it. Her key was a symbol for me of all her home was. It was a refuge for whoever visited. And anyone was welcome. There were so many people in and out of her house over the years. It was no surprise to come over and find strangers, people we didn't know yet, at her home. So many left feeling like family even if they stayed a short time. I've always tried to my home like that.

Anna Marie Jones was one of a kind. That's why I wrote that poem. I guess that's why Stephanie's daughter wrote her poem. When someone so remarkable leaves us for a time we want to capture our feelings for that person. When I wrote the poem it was just for me and when I read it, it brings 'us' back together again. Happy Birthday Gram.

Have you ever done that? Express in poetry your feelings of someone's passing?

For 38% of you this post will mean nothing. Because that's the percentage of people who never make a New Year Resolution. My Boyfriend is one of them. (So you can stop reading now Love) 

I've always been into making them. When I was younger I'd have several goals each year. It helped me accomplish many of the things I wanted. I really enjoyed the process back then.

But the past few years things have changed for me. First, I'm very content with a lot of my life. Second, I realize how not in control of some of my life I am. Third, because I'm not in control of a lot of things that affect me deeply I started leaning in a different direction looking to strengthen my character to deal with those things. And fourth, it's pretty easy to focus since there's just one.

So I made a switch. Some of you are probably familiar with the One Word New Year Resolution.

BRAVE for 2014 was a perfect fit. Some of the reasons why I've shared and some I haven't. But it was very fitting. Now on to 2015.

I've been wondering what word I wanted and needed for 2015. I've been thinking about it for a couple of weeks and yesterday I went through a process I have to come up with a word that "fit". Then today I hit on... 

Leila's death has taken it's spiritual toll on me. Getting back to the basics of stronger praying, scripture reading, and pondering will reset my spiritual foundation. I know the Primary answers work. 

Then there's Leila's son, Joseph. He's been with us on and off since he was born. It looks like it will be more "on" from here on out. I have 8 children and my youngest is 14. There were still several years left for a few of them at home but I was on the downhill side of the motherhood mountain. And I was coasting.

With the prospects of Joseph being here for an undetermined while, I'm needing to reset my motherhood button. At 52 that's an immense undertaking. I totally get why we have babies while we're young. But, I also know we get good at things we do and I've been doing the mom thing for 29 years. I'm pretty good at it but I need to restart that engine. With all that Joseph is missing in his little life having lots of love and people who know what they're doing will bless him. It could go without saying but he's already been a huge blessing to us.

So that's my 2015 One Word Resolution and a little of why I chose it. Does anyone else do One Word Resolutions? Resolutions at all?

It's been camp, camp, camp on my brain. And I have a few things to share with you about that. But, for today, I've got a print in our Esty shop that I did before the camp rush.

The Boyfriend and my anniversary is next month (we're celebrating 32 years) so marriage has been on my mind. I kept seeing "all you need is love" or "love is all you need" everywhere on Pinterest when I was doing a little research. Anyone who's been married any length of time (or even for shorter periods) knows it takes more than love. Sure it's the basis, but if it were all up to love we wouldn't have any broken relationships. Married or otherwise.

"Love is all you need" is such an over simplification. Love is the start and the driver but it better get some other passengers on board (forgiveness, patience, fidelity, kindness, etc.) if it wants the fuel to go anywhere for any length of time. Can you tell I have strong opinions about this? Do you?

Well I didn't want anyone in this house thinking that all they had to do was have a little love for a strong relationship so I put my thoughts to paper. And tried to make it handsome. You can find it here.

What are 3 qualities besides love that you think a relationship, any relationship, needs?

PS • You might want to give it as a wedding gift. Just a thought.

We hope everyone's Mother's day was meaningful. Mine was. Especially this year. 

I went to visit Leila's gravesite Saturday. And, I actually took a selfie. Don't know why I just went with it. (Alisha left some lovely flowers there earlier in the day.) It was a pretty teary-eyed hour, no surprise. 

For some reason I just wished that I could bring Joseph there. I know she's not really there but I think there's something about going anyways. On Sunday, Leila's husband came up with Joseph so I asked if I could take JoJo to Leila's graveside. He said yes and came with us. I know this might not be able to happen every year and he's likely to have another mother to celebrate but I'm glad I got to this first year. Considering the day before, amazingly I didn't cry once with Joseph there. I was happy for the moment. Who wouldn't be happy around a face like that!

Which brings me to my New Year's resolution word post that I did a few weeks ago but haven't shared yet. I felt maybe I was being over dramatic or something with my word choice. But, after my first Mother's day without Leila it seemed like exactly the right word at the right time. So here it is...

I used to do a list of goals for my New Year's resolutions and I've loved the lists I've done over the years but I find that it's really a year round habit now.  So the past few years I've used a different method. Now I pick one word for the year to work on. For 2011 it was "Focused" and 2012 was "Finish". I had one for 2013 but didn't write it down, just had it floating in my head. Then when Leila died everything changed and I seriously can't remember what it was. 2013 will forever be a different kind of year for me.

When 2014 came I picked another word. I like to "wear" the word for a month or two before I commit to it. It has to feel right. That's one of the reasons I like this change in methods for resolutions. It makes me go deeper into my feelings and it becomes more meaningful. 
My word for 2014 is...

I know I'm not letting you know until the year is almost half over. Don't judge :) Like I said, it has to feel right. And sometimes right doesn't fit the calendar's timetable. 

Then I made something to help me remember this year's word. It's been in one of my black idea books for a little while now and it seemed like a good time to do it.

It also has a special meaning relating to a phrase in my patriarchal blessing that really helped/helps me. There's also a song by Sara Bareilles - Brave - that's a little upbeat reminder. So, this year I'm gonna be BRAVE!

That was my post before Mother's day. Then this morning I read this post by one of Joseph's amazing NICU nurses, Sally. More tears. As it turns out I was able to put "my word" into full practice the last few days. If nothing else, this weekend I was brave.

Do you have a word to share?

I like to do stuff. Caeden (our 2 year old) likes to do stuff. We are both happier when we are doing SOMETHING! I've been looking into "homeschool preschool" and discovered two things: you can be one of those moms who has a curriculum or you can be one of those moms who says "life is learning!" 

I'm a little bit of both because I'm inherently lazy. I know if I say something like, "Letters from 10:00-10:15" it won't happen...but I still want to have some sort of activity schedule for this Spring and Summer. Enter: the homeschool preschool bucket list! (You can download a weekly activity planner at the end of this post!)

Munchie Monday: Where we make a yummy food! Probably a breakfast food or other food (like rolls! or freezer meals--which I might do since I'm expecting in May) that can be used throughout the week. Specifically these: 

• Blueberry Oatmeal Bread
• Baked Oatmeal Casserole
• Lemon Raspberry Muffins
• Vegan Banana Pancakes
• Utah Scones
• Honey-nut Granola
• Rainbow Bread
• Homemade Poptarts 
• Biscuits
• Whole Wheat Honey Oatmeal Bread
• Homemade Flour Tortillas (I slightly changed this recipe to my own liking, but once you make these you'll never be able to eat store bought tortillas again. Seriously. I just...I can't.)
• Easy White Bread. Let me just reiterate that this is EASY.

Tactile Tuesday: Where we do or make some sort of touch-sensory thing.

• Paint with Watercolors and glue
• Button Sorting
• Finger Painting
• Homemade bubbles
• Ball pit
• Felt activities
• Homemade moon dough
• Dye eggs with shaving cream and food coloring

Work-out Wednesday: Exercise day! Go for walk, do some pilates or yoga, ride a bike, run, whatever! This can obviously be done on other days of the week too, but just in case it doesn't we have a specific day for it. 

• Swimming/run in sprinklers
• Go for a walk
• Go to the park
• Run outside
• Ride bikes
• Fly a kite
• Do Yoga stretches together
• Kick a ball around

Thinking Thursday: Choose a learning activity; numbers, letters, reading, puzzles. Something that makes him think. 

• Alphabet Matching
• Homemade Volcano
• Pom-pom activities
• Just read
• Learn sight words. I've been using DVDs, flashcards, and books from the Preschool Prep Co. They are awesome! Caeden knew all of the words after a month. He's still learning that the words he learned on the DVD/flashcards are in his books.
• Alphabet flashcards. Preschool Prep Co also has these, but I haven't used them yet.
• Learn numbers. You can download a DIY numbers quiet book here. 
• Puzzles

Free-for-all Friday: The day where you do whatever you want! Things we want to do this spring and summer as a family:

• Stargazing
• Fishing
• Backyard camping
• Have a bon fuego (bonfire)
• Get a chicken or two
• Go to the zoo
• Go on a mini weekend get-away

I've made a weekly activity planner that you can fill out weekly. Download it here, or click on the image below and save as. What would you add to the list?

Alisha did a graphic design "Kind Words" here and put it to a t-shirt. It made me think that I wanted to have Leila's words, "I Choose to be Happy" and Alisha's design on a t-shirt so I could order it. Alisha did it for me. (Thanks Alisha) When I went to look at it I saw these other things. 

But then I saw this pillow and decided that I wanted this instead. 

Not that you have to buy anything. I just thought I'd share because it made me happy.

Baby Joseph's Dad, Sky, called me today to share something Leila wrote. He found it on her iPad and it touched him. It was her mother wishes she wanted for Joseph. I don't know if she was finished with her list but it was enough.

The reality is that Joseph will never know Leila in this life and will have another mother to raise him. He'll be caught up in life and won't have a need to know her. But I suspect many years from now, likely when he's an adult, he'll wonder. He might be drawn to a few of the mementos that connect directly to her. They might give a glimpse of who she was and how she thought. Maybe he'll see a little of himself in her.

So today I spent some of my time putting her words into design for him.

This is a post no mother (father, sister, brother, spouse...) wants to write. Writing it makes it even more real. And the realness of it hurts my heart. 

My daughter Leila died this month. 

I'd like it to all go away - the middle of the night phone call; the realization that something was very wrong; the birth of her child a month early; a devastated spouse; her father far away in the middle of the ocean; doctors, nurses and tests; understanding a blood hemorrhage on the brain stem; the week in intensive care; the baby in newborn intensive care; organ matching and donating; a grieving family; and a funeral. And that is just the beginning.

Obviously it's effected our family deeply. My emotions are raw and I'm at a loss on several levels. Leila's my daughter and my friend. The phrase 'a heart breaking to pieces' is no longer a metaphor for me. It was and is very real. 

As LDS members, we know of the Plan of Salvation, have an understanding of Eternal Life, and that our family can be together again. But for now, it hurts. 

Leila was a part of LDS NEST and her being gone effects what happens here. I've changed. Alisha's changed. We need time to figure out what that feels like and what it looks like for LDS NEST. The one decision we could make is that we will stop with our monthly Newsletter and Notes for a time. I'd like to be able to give more detail about what that means for the subscription but I don't know. I just know we need time. 

We're likely to still post on this blog. It will help us. Maybe it'll help you too. 

Lastly, know that the Lord has worked through so many good, good people with a remarkable outpouring of love for our family. We've not been left alone. There's more on my mind and heart that I want to share but for now this is all I can do. 

On a previous post I shared some ideas on how to put JOY in Motherhood. It was awesome to hear how you wonderful moms put joy in motherhood, so thank you for sharing! First idea on my list was "take pictures." 

If you're like most moms, you're usually the one taking the pictures and rarely in them. This past week I tried to change that and I think you should too! 

All I did to get these pictures was put my camera on the ground facing us, set the self-timer to a 10-second release, pressed the button, and played with my boy until the camera took a picture. They aren't posed or perfect, and my feet are totally dirty, but I love them. That way when your children look back on your photos and they ask, "Mom, where are you?" you can say, "Look, I'm right there."

Try it out! Make a conscious effort to be in the pictures, not just taking the pictures. Post one to our Facebook page!

Just over two years ago I held a newborn niece and said excitedly, “This is the first time I've wanted to hold a baby since my little brother, Reece, was born!” That was 18 years prior to that moment. Considering the fact that I was due with our first child in three months, I was relieved that I actually wanted to hold a baby again. 

I never understood the importance of motherhood, thinking that women were made just to have babies and raise them. I never wanted to be a mom.

Slowly I’ve learned that motherhood is more than having babies, changing diapers, and gaining weight.

“Motherhood is more than bearing children....It is the essence of who we are as women. It defines our very identity, our divine stature and nature, and the unique traits our Father gave us.” –Sheri L. Dew

There is more to motherhood than simply having children. It does not matter if you are single, childless, young, or old; every woman can have the refining power of motherhood. 

I hope you all had a wonderful Mother's Day! Please share what you've learned about motherhood in the comments!

PS. I hope you read last weeks post about how to put JOY in Motherhood. If you didn't you can here!