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The Post I Don't Want to Write - The Death of My Daughter Leila

8/27/2013

12 Comments

 
This is a post no mother (father, sister, brother, spouse...) wants to write. Writing it makes it even more real. And the realness of it hurts my heart. 

My daughter Leila died this month. 
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Alisha, here sister and LDS Nestie, wrote about it here.
Alisha Galbraith Photography • I Choose to be Happy
I'd like it to all go away - the middle of the night phone call; the realization that something was very wrong; the birth of her child a month early; a devastated spouse; her father far away in the middle of the ocean; doctors, nurses and tests; understanding a blood hemorrhage on the brain stem; the week in intensive care; the baby in newborn intensive care; organ matching and donating; a grieving family; and a funeral. And that is just the beginning.

Obviously it's effected our family deeply. My emotions are raw and I'm at a loss on several levels. Leila's my daughter and my friend. The phrase 'a heart breaking to pieces' is no longer a metaphor for me. It was and is very real. 

As LDS members, we know of the Plan of Salvation, have an understanding of Eternal Life, and that our family can be together again. But for now, it hurts. 

Leila was a part of LDS NEST and her being gone effects what happens here. I've changed. Alisha's changed. We need time to figure out what that feels like and what it looks like for LDS NEST. The one decision we could make is that we will stop with our monthly Newsletter and Notes for a time. I'd like to be able to give more detail about what that means for the subscription but I don't know. I just know we need time. 

We're likely to still post on this blog. It will help us. Maybe it'll help you too. 

Lastly, know that the Lord has worked through so many good, good people with a remarkable outpouring of love for our family. We've not been left alone. There's more on my mind and heart that I want to share but for now this is all I can do. 
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Leila's Obituary here
12 Comments
Randi Musser
8/27/2013 01:33:25 am

My dear friend, as I read your sweet words, my heart is breaking. All over again. My asache to hold you and comfort you. And iI want to tell you that peace will come, but the hole in your heart will continue. Eventually the pain and emptiness will lessen, but will not completely go away. If there is anything I can do for you...anything...please let me know. You are in my heart and prayers.

Reply
Rachel Moulton Shepherd
8/27/2013 02:11:36 am

Shannon,
I can't stop thinking about beautiful Leila being called "home." I have thought about you and Bishop Christensen so much. I can't imagine the physical and emotional pain you are going through. The whole thing seems so cruel and yet it must have been in God's plan. You have been in my prayers since I heard this news!
With love,
Rachel

Reply
Julie Pendleton
8/27/2013 05:42:38 am

I have been longing to hear from you Shannon, thank you for sharing with us. I can not describe the grief and sympathy I feel for you Shannon and your entire beautiful family. I love you all!!

Reply
Jan
8/27/2013 08:07:01 am

I know we haven't met -- but I feel like we are related in some small way. (I am Nathanael's aunt -- have met and LOVE Alisha) -- and I am aching with you. I too have a daughter (only one) and she is my dearest friend. I can't imagine how devastating this has to be for you and your family -- just know that we have been and continue to pray for all of you. I don't pretend to really understand but I hurt for you and with you. xoxo

Reply
LDS NEST Shannon link
8/27/2013 02:38:07 pm

Jan, it seems like we've met because I've read so many of your comments to Alisha. Consider us related.

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Jan
9/2/2013 03:39:57 am

Shannon -- I feel related! And I wish I could do more than send love -- but I"m sending lots of it! xoxo

Suzanne
8/27/2013 12:14:21 pm

I am a good friend of Joan Jenkins. I read your blog through a link she posted. I lost my brother almost 10 years ago. I remember thinking at the time that I shouldn't be feeling as much pain as I was because of the hope I had through the gospel. The hope doesn't go away, but the pain is real and it's okay. It's okay to take a break for a time. It's okay to hurt and cry and cry some more. The pain will not go away completely, it will just be different and not as intense. I don't know you but I will pray for you. You are loved.

Reply
LDS Nest Shannon link
12/7/2013 08:05:15 am

Suzanne, I never said thank you the first time I read through your comment. From your experience I know you will know how I missed it. But, it's not too late to say thank you for sharing now. Thank you for sharing your hope. Continued peace over your bother.

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karen woolston
8/27/2013 01:58:17 pm

All my love goes to you and your beautiful family. Give yourself the time to grieve and take all the time you need to heal your heart and know prayers continue to come your way. Life is forever changed, hug that sweet baby Joseph lots.

Reply
LDS NEST Shannon link
8/27/2013 02:54:15 pm

I truly trust the Lord and His purposes. He allows a 'time to weep' and 'time to mourn'. He did so with Lazarus' sisters before He raised him from the dead. Leila's life was too wonderful to not allow those 'times'. But, I'm equally sure there is a 'time to heal'. It will come.

Thank you all for the love, concern, and faith you've shared with me and our family.

Reply
Ginger Attwood
8/28/2013 07:02:51 am

Dear Shannon, I am soooo sorry to hear about Leila. My hearts breaks with you. Carolvee Beckstrand told me about it. I just wanted you to know that you and your family are loved and are in our thoughts and prayers. I know we lost touch years ago but the time and miles can't stop the love and feelilngs I want to express. When I look at my daughter Genna who is the same age as Leila I can only imagine what you all are going through. Please feel my hug:)

Reply
LDS NEST Shannon link
9/3/2013 03:39:02 pm

It has been a long time but I still have fond memories of all we did "back in day". Thanks Ginger for the love, hugs, and prayers. And give an extra squeeze to that daughter of yours.

Reply



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